Be Unemployed – Get Salary – Live Happily

Disclaimer: Don’t take it seriously, I mean the disclaimer.. just a crazy funny thought below ;)

Was sipping the tasty coffee in the office canteen.. and a superluminal thought passed by.. yes thoughts are always superluminal.. they travel faster than light.. which is why time travel is possible in your thoughts.. you can think about past as well as about future, if required, at the same time..

my thought was futuristic, because unlike anti-matter, the matter that makes me travels from past to future.. btw who told anti-matter travels the other way round? Feynmann, to be more precise, those diagrams..

Coming back to my thought, I was wondering.. how to avoid work.. and still get paid.. so that you can live the life 100% the way you want.. just keep roaming all over the world.. keep thinking and doing things that you always wanted to because rarely you get paid for what you like to do ;)

so was wondering what if I have a robot that will go to work instead of me and will get paid.. a software architect robot! A robot that knows all the design patterns.. can draw visio diagrams.. fill in technical specifications.. talk to the clients for expected future needs of the system.. decide on the platform, j2EE or .Net.. select a language C# or java.. decide on the best design.. etc etc and even lots more of such etc

and this robot will go to office everyday.. or probably will stay in office forever.. and do all my work at the office during the regular office hours.. and will plug itself into an electrical socket and get charged as it sleeps during the night !!

The company will give me salary.. since I own the robot (Companies cant own robots, only humans can, to maintain animate-inanimate relationships).. and robots dont need money.. so the salary is for me.. while the robot works for me, I will be trekking inside the forests.. wondering about all the animals that are roaming around without wearing anything and yet looking more civilized than my species! thinking about blackholes, hoping that they are the other side of the same coin i.e quasars reading more vedic texts trying to decode them.. composing more music on my synthesizer.. attempting to organize clouds and bring rain using megh malhar..

In the mean time the robot continues to work.. without complaining.. because it has no emotions.. so who cares even if the client scolds.. robot can redirect those sentences to junk folder..

But lo, what about others who are not software architects ?

Hmm.. so we need to have all categories of robots..

call center robots, BPO robots, developer robots, tester robots, . no, we don’t need any project manager robots, unlike humans, robots get paid for the work they actually do, not for forwarding emails saying fyi or fya.. that can be automated with few rules ;)

But lets think beyond IT.. we can have cab driver robots.. we can have office boy robots.. we can have catering robots..

lets really think way beyond IT.. we can have traffic police robots, shopkeeper robots, marketing and sales robots, pizza delivery robots, farmer robots, doctor robots, lawyer robots, potter robots (without harry), so many of them.

politician robots? no thanks, only humans can do this work.. its way complicated for robots.. any attempt to create a political robot will result in nervous break down of the robot system requiring invocation of Asimov’s laws !

but then the costs of buying these robots will depend on how much the robots can earn for you.. the more they earn, the more the cost, so the more difficult to buy them..

there are cheap robots which earn more for you too.. but beware, dont buy them.. they all are Made In China.. you wont even get three months salary.. the robot will die out even before getting a confirmation letter from the company! dont get mislead by the term lifetime guarantee, for the Chinese robots, life time means the robot’s life time, not yours!

So buy only quality robots, even though they are costlier.. from Sony.. for even better quality buy from Prani (that will be my company, an Indian brand, the robot will be seen in the canteen 5 days a week, but will be working on the weekends and will complete all its work, bugs or no bugs, what matters is that the build compiles !)

In the future, when somebody meets you, they wont ask you anymore What are you doing?, instead they will ask What is your robot doing? or even if they ask the former, they actually mean the latter ! You, Robot, I Robot all one and the same..

When you buy a robot get a good quality one that lasts long, that can get a good second hand rate, in case you plan to switch profession later.. btw there is no retirement age.. no pensions.. you can work, I mean your robot can work for you as long as you are there to take the salary.. after you are no more, your robot will be donated to the economically backward sections of the society by the government..

No, don’t be greedy, you cant have more than one robot just like you cant work in more than one company today

Also, you will need to periodically upgrade your robots with the latest technology.. if today you buy a C-Sharp developer robot.. and tomorrow a new language D-too sharp comes into the market.. you will have to upgrade your robot to D else your robot will be on bench and you will be under pressure.. So when you buy your robot make sure that they can be upgraded..

Robots cant claim to have fallen ill.. so they cant take sick leave.. but they can get damaged and need repair.. so they will have Neon or nervous breakdown leave.. and no, they wont get privileged leave, they are no so privileged.. you are taking all those leaves, 365 days a year.. except on a leap year when symbolically on february 29 you work for a day, just to make sure that the human gene still remembers what work means.. but as I said, it will be symbolic.. nobody wants to take a chance allowing you to play with production data.. so anything you do on february 29 will be shift deleted by the robot on March 1

In the mean time I got a call.. time for the telecon, please dont be a guest appearance as usual..

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  • nani_yuga

    What if suddenly some nani like guy comes up with idea hating the idea of selling and buying and insert another chip of reproduction and DNA that would allow them to replicate and acquire multiple skills. I guess at least the so called God didn’t do the same with us a while half a billion years ago!!

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  • http://www.hitxp.com/ Gurudev

    Really Nice thoughts Harry!
    I thought human brains can be put to better use to solve other problems in the fields of science, to think about mysteries, to enjoy their life by roaming to different natural places, heritage sites, to do adventure, sports, etc.

    While mere administration does not need emotions, the related politics definitely needs a lot of other things to be considered. For instace, if building a dam would generate the required power but then would submerge about 100 villages and if the villagers do not want to leave their village, then this is a emotional problem that needs to be addressed. We cant simply force the villagers to give up their emotional attachments to their land and vacate the place! So robot politicians are not a good thing!

    More over Citizens (who are human beings) protesting against the policies of Politicians (who are robots!), is definitely not a good sign at all for humanity! It looks like human slaves are protesting against their robot masters ;)

    btw Prime Minister Gurudev is definitely on the cards, if people are intelligent enough to vote ;)

  • Harry

    Strange that you dont think robot politicians a good thing. A robot does only what is logical to do in a given situation. All its actions is logic based, it can compute more data than a human being without contemplating if he is stepping on anyone toes, without making deals with family, friends or party contributors, taking bribes etc. It knows what is needed and must be done in a given situation. No stealing of public funds, no self enrichment. Is this not a good thing? Or would you like to be in office in the future. Prime minister Gurudev for example?

  • Harry

    Fine the robot does your work for you. I assume that it is standard to own a work-robot in which case the difference between the workforce and the unemployed is ownership of a robot. This will solve traffic jams, air pollution or maybe not because the vast majority of people moving about doing nothing or only what the like to do would eventually cause havoc.
    Everything that is done by robots would miss the human element called emotion. Doctor robot, nurse robot etc. (good thing and bad thing) Good thing precision work, bad thing no comforting voice or understanding smile. Robot police men, that can be a good thing. Robot fire fighters good thing. Robot politicians very good thing, no bloated nothingness will stand between doing what is good for the country. All films are made and starred by robots no more super stars, with illusions of grandeur.
    Humans themselves will become void of emotion which is not entirely a bad thing. How many foolish things are not emotional based or driven. Getting the emotion out of the way everything done will be logical. Using logic to guide our actions we can contemplate its outcome/ reaction.
    All in all not a bad idea but the question is WHAT DO YOU NEED HUMANS FOR? WHAT ARE THERE PURPOSES?

  • http://www.hitxp.com/ Gurudev

    if robots can do all other simple silly work for me, I will end up writing even more blogs and doing many more things worth my brain :)

  • Sainath

    good, but not really impressed :) ….who will write such blogs and articles…robot can’t…only human can… :)

  • http://www.hitxp.com/ Gurudev

    Which is why I have said initially that it is illegal for non-human entities like companies to own robots!
    (Companies cant own robots, only humans can, to maintain animate-inanimate relationships) ;)

    because if its only between inanimate things like companies and robots.. tomorrow robots can also run companies.. so where is the place for humans! We dont want a Matrix :)

  • Xan

    Why wud the chinese sell u the robot.. they wud sell to ur company .. LOL!